TEN TIPS TO ENLIVEN YOUR MARRIAGE

Moms online, a forum on internet, have made a research to mothers about their romantic life. Sixty two percent of them said that they didn’t have any strategy to do romantic things in their relationship, while sixteen percent said that they couldn’t remind the last time they did romantic thing with their hubbies. Therefore it’s not surprising that only three percent of them said that they have developed romantic time with their partner. Of course it’s not a good new, but don’t worry, there’s always good news which is every couple could create new reality for their marriage life. With a bit energy and imagination, a relationship could be enliven and refresh.

 

1. Take a breath.  Give yourself twenty minutes in a day for feeding your mind and getting more relax. Spend that time for praying or meditation in order to decrease distressful thing in your life.
2. Encourage 3 As.  A relationship could grow immensely by these three As: Affection, Affirmation and Admiration. If you feel that your relationship is getting vapid and cold, please water it with affection by hugging before and after working, and a sweet kiss on cheek.
3. Candle lighting instead of darkness cursing.  an experience of a wife who always fights with her hubby is describing the real meaning of candle lighting. This wife said that one night it’s hard for her to get sleeping because of trouble with her husband. There was a bunch negative thinking in her mind for him. “I know, if I don’t throw away this decreasing mental kind of mind then sleeping will be very away from me.” Hence, instead of keep thinking that way, she took a peace of paper and wrote down anything of her husband kindness and put it in an envelope and inserts it in her husband’s suitcase. Since then, she never stopped of having kiss, love phone and hug from her husband everyday.
4. Bring the laugh in the air.  “Laughing is something potential.” It has the ability of transforming feeling, increasing spirit, ceasing the tears, put out the worries, and more other positive things. You don’t have to be a clown for your husband. Try to watch comedy film, sharing favorite cartoon, reading a humorous short story. You can try humor to read him some funny story. The point is leading your partner to see humorous things around.
5. Working as a team.  An IT couple has just quited for their job because of the company bankruptcy. Then they found out that there were so many links and chances to start their own business. It brought them to work and get success as a solid team.  Of course we don’t have to be a scientific couple for a great team. You can work as a team while raising children or even while you both are in the kitchen.
6. Having fun.  List down any activity you like and he likes then set the time to do some activities only by you two. Some inspiring activities are: doing and watching sports or games try fun activity to plan and do, go to movie or theater as well as go to beach or mountain.
7. Empathy.  Try to understand what he feels. Wanna know how? W.MacNeile Dixon said that for understanding each side of life you have to love and feel the heartbeat. Hence, when your partner is just silence or even angry, try to enter his feeling and understanding anything you figure out. Imagine that you are in his position, that’s the point of empathy.
8. Hold your critics.  Think twice before you attack your husband verbally. Your critics have the potential of setting out some of his virtues. You can even hurt him while your critics are too sharp. Just be close with him and show your affection and waiting for the right time. The time when you are not controlled by emotion is the perfect time to convey him what you think (of course with the most intimate thing you can).
9. Listen to your heart.  Be a good listener for him. Listen actively in order to understanding. You have to work hard for feeling what he wants. Here are the five commandments of listening:

   1. • Thou shall focus your attention on him
      • Thou shall not cut his talk
      • Thou shall cease all accuses
      • Thou shall not give any contrary response to his talk
      • Thou shall have to listen as if the his talking is a new matter that you have never heard before

10. Try and try again.  Leo Buscaglia said that there were so many literatures about how to keep the love alive (link of how to keep love alive) But there is only one conclusion in two words: conscious effort.  When we feel that we are denied, hurt, refused, and so on, we have to be like our heart beating, regardless our physical condition is not ok. There are some ways of overcoming bad situation: perseverance, steadiness, patience, and above all is love.

 

Ten Reasons Why Woman Can Stay in Polygamy?

Polygyny, according to Webster Dictionary is “the state or practice of having two or more wives at the same time.” We wonder why certain women can stay in that situation. There are at least ten reasons which support this situation:

1. The woman is so deeply in love with her husband.  Especially if the hubby is her first love too. Since she was a child she had fallen for him and so comfortable with him. Hence, she could not love other guy but her husband only.
2. Clinging Vine.  As long as their marriage, the wife is not conditioned of making her own money, while hubby is able to fulfill anything she wants, her children want, and even her parents and relatives want. Therefore, it’s hard for her to live away from her husband.
3. Stupidity.  On this condition, hubby is so powerful in order to influence or even wash his wife’s brain with any he wants. Eventually, because of her stupidity, she agrees with all of her hubby’s word. Probably, this is because of her lack of information and socialization.
4. Children.  This is the most common reason for women to keep staying on polygyny. The main objective is to protect her children though it is so painful for her. Most of the time, this situation is not also comfortable for the children. They could feel any confusing even hatred to the father.
5. Religious.  In some religious, polygyny is not prohibited yet suggested in order to help the widows with their children or to reach the higher level in their belief.
6. There is no other choice.  The woman had neither kith nor kin. Though she has family and friends, but they have not intention of helping her to get out from that situation. Even they support and half force her for not going anywhere and keep staying with her husband.
7. Afraid of being lonely.  Actually, this is the combination of love, children, had neither kith nor kin, or maybe she is too ugly and not have any self-confidence at all.
8. Immature.  Similar with stupidity but covered childish feature lack of father’s love and hope and want to accept it from her husband. And yes, she got it from her husband, feel comfortable with him no matter her husband has divided his love with other one/s.
9. Certain Condition.  Especially for man who still believe in mystical world for his physical or even financial power. One of the condition (the guru’s command) is he has to marry more women.
10. Barren wife.  For this situation, moreover if the husband has only little love for his wife, and in the other side, the wife has no other choice; then all she can do is just accept and surrender to all of her husband opinion and decision.

My question now is on what category are you(?)? Or is there any category I miss? Please add more.

HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN OFFENDED AND THE BEST WAY TO OVERCOME

Mario Pereyra and Moreno with a group of colleagues at Universidad Adventista del Plata (UAP), Argentina, have been investigating how people react when they are offended, the disorders that friction causes, and the ways to overcome disputes. They investigation have revealed eight characteristic attitudes. Attitudes are distinct forms of behavior that reflect states of emotion, thoughts, and will. The eight characteristic attitudes are:

1. Submission: Passive acceptance of insult, subordinating oneself to the criticism or reproving attitude of the offender, inventing humbling or self-disqualifying justifications. People of this kind of attitude often say: “I deserve it” or “It’s my fault.”
2. Denial: Conscious exclusion from memory of ideas or feeling associated with the wrong suffered; making an effort to “forget the matter.”
3. Hostile reaction: Predisposition to react immediately with violence, attacking the aggressor with the same act as the offense; a primary attitude that may not leave resentment with the subject but will probably aggravate to conflict with the person who suffers from the emotional outburst
4. Revenge: “An eye for and eye, a tooth for a tooth: Intentionally searching and planning for vengeance, trying to deal out to the offender a similar or greater punishment that that suffered. It is also different from the former attitude in that the reaction is not immediate-much time can pass before retaliation takes place.
5. Resentment: Tendency to retain feelings of anger and hate, remembering often the wrong suffered, maintaining behaviors of animosity and rancor toward the guilty party without actually taking direct acts of revenge as in the revenge reaction mentioned above.
6. Explanation: Confronting the perpetrator for and explanation, justification, or motive for the action in order to overcome the discord through dialogue; to “clear things up.”
7. Forgiveness: This attitude also centers on communication but reaches understanding to clear up the causes of the controversy satisfactorily; the subject closes the doors to hostile actions, vengeance, or rancor.
8. Reconciliation: Overcoming discord through dialogue and with a forgiving disposition, just like the two previous attitudes, but with the intentions of reviving the bond of affection with the offender, in order to reestablish a good relationship.

 

When Mario Pereyra and Moreno analyzed hundreds of studies done with a test made to measure these attitudes (The Attitudes in Situations of Offense Questionnaire, the ASOQ) with people of different ages, sex, marital status, beliefs, and origins, they discovered that these specific forms of reaction correspond to three basic models:

1. The attitudes of submission and denial, which can be interpreted as the tendency to internalize hostile impulses, repressing or denying them. It is the case of one who “swallows” or guards his or her emotions, showing on the exterior a calm appearance, “putting on a brave face.”
2. Response corresponds to behaviors of hostility, revenge, and resentment. Unlike submissive behaviors, this tendency involves aggression, making sure to hurt those who hurt you. It involves “outbursts: and upsets that feed anger until it can be discharged.
3. Form of response channels the emotions through dialogue and negotiation. This covers the last three attitudes-explanation forgiveness, and reconciliation. It consists of seeking to overcome conflicts, preserving good interpersonal relationships, and managing the problem through communication.

 

 

Furthermore, multiple scientific investigations report that either the repression or denial of aggression (the first response pattern), and the violent externalization of hostile emotion (the second response pattern), can be associated with grave physical and mental health disorders. Therefore, it can be inferred that the dialogue behaviors, forgiveness, and reconciliation would be related to good health.

 

Related with it, more investigation also find that those who never express their emotions but bottle them up deep inside are most susceptible to cancer. Likewise, the release of anger in an explosive way, with violent emotion, can also cause illnesses such as heart attacks or other cardiovascular symptoms.

 

Lastly, the more interesting study, still conducted by Moreno and Pereyra, of a sample of 863 people from five countries from different religious orientations found that those who admitted to having active religious beliefs and customs, in contrast with those who did not, showed very different scores in all types of attitudes in the face offence. The differences were most marked in the aggressive responses. Those who were not religious had higher scores in revenge, rancor, and hostility, while believers showed a higher disposition for submission and denial, as well as those behaviors that tended toward dialogue and the search of forgiveness and reconciliation.